Friday, December 23, 2011

More Christmas cracker jokes - Matching quizzes


Image from Wikipedia
Christmas cracker jokes are written almost to a formula, and make great use of corny puns. We like to groan at how awful they are, but they are a quintessential part of a British Christmas. Some are on Christmas themes, many are not. I found most of the jokes here in several places on the Internet, so I don't think I'm treading on anybody's copyright toes.

Click and Drop - In each exercise, click on an expression in grey in the bottom half, then on the appropriate box in the top half. If you change your mind, just repeat the process.

Exercise 1 - General jokes

1. Why are bananas never lonely?
2. What did the dog get for Christmas?
3. What do you get if you cross a skeleton and a detective?
4. What does the carpet salesman give to his wife for Valentine's Day?
5. How did the human cannonball lose his job?
6. What did the policeman say to the stomach?
7. Why is it so difficult to train dogs to dance?
8. Where do Snow-women like to dance?
9. What did baby corn say to mummy corn?
10. Why are Christmas Trees like bad knitters?
aWhere's popcorn?
bThey keep loosing their needles
cAt Snowballs.
dRugs and kisses
eYou're under a vest
fSherlock Bones
gThey have two left feet
hBecause they go around in bunches
iHe got fired
jA mobile bone

Exercise 2 - The chicken and the road jokes

Probably every child in Britain knows the chicken and the road joke:
  • Why did the chicken cross the road?
  • To get to the other side.
These jokes take the basic joke a step further.
1. Why did the chicken cross the football field?
2. Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in the mud and cross the road again?
3. Why did the chicken cross the roundabout (in the playground)?
4. Why didn't the scared chicken skeleton cross the road
5. Why did the chewing gum cross the road?
6. Why did the brave little turkey cross the road?
7. Why did the dinosaur cross the road
8. Why did the turtle cross the road?
9. Why did Rudolph cross the road?
10. Why did the kind-hearted horse cross the road?
aBecause it was stuck to the chicken
bHe heard the referee calling fowls
cTo get to the Shell station.
dTo get to the other slide
eBecause the chicken badly needed a day off
fBecause he didn't have the guts
gBecause he was a dirty double-crosser
hTo prove he wasn't chicken
iBecause he was pulling the chicken on a sleigh
jBecause chickens hadn't evolved yet

Animal jokes


Hedgehog by Olaf1541

Skunk by Tom Friedel
 

Leopard by JanErkamp

Beaver by Steve

All images from Wikipedia under Creative Commons licenses.
Click on any image to see the full-size original and license details at Wikipedia

Exercise 3 - Animal jokes

1. Did you hear about the leopard who had a bath every day?
2. How do hedgehogs make love?
3. How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas?
4. How do you stop a skunk smelling?
5. What did the beaver say to the Christmas Tree?
6. What do angry mice send each other at Christmas?
7. What do you call a bull asleep on the ground?
8. What do you call a gigantic polar bear?
9. What do you call a sick crocodile?
10. What does an angry kangaroo do?
11. What's a frog's favourite drink?
12. Which type of dog has no tail?
aCroak-a-cola.
bA bulldozer.
cNothing, you just run away.
dNice gnawing you!
eHold its nose!
fGet hopping mad.
gFleece Navidad!
hCross-mouse cards.
iAn illigator.
jA hotdog
kHe's spotless.
lVery carefully.

Exercise 4 - Elf jokes

A lot of elf jokes play on the fact that the word "elf" can sound like other words, two in particular. Here's a clue. In parts of London you might hear someone say, 'I want be elfy, welfy and wise'. Elves are often referred to as Santa's little helpers
1. Why was Santa's little helper feeling depressed?
2. What does Santa do with fat elves?
3. What do Santa's little helpers learn at school?
4. What did Santa say to the smoker?
5. Where do elves go to dance?
6. Did Rudolph go to school?
7. How do elves greet each other?
8. What is a female elf called?
9. How do you describe a rich elf?
10. If there were 11 elves, and another one came along, what would he be?
aWelfy
bA shelf
cHe had low elf-esteem.
dThe twelf
ePlease don't smoke, it's bad for my elf!
fHe sends them to an Elf Farm!
g Small world, isn't it?
hThe elf-abet!
iChristmas Balls!
jNo. He was Elf-taught!

Exercise 5 - More general jokes

1. What did the fireman's wife get for Christmas?
2. What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?
3. What did the digital watch say to the analogue watch?
4. What did one wall say to the other wall?
5. What do crackers, fruitcake and nuts remind me of?
6. What do you give a man who has everything?
7. What goes up and never comes down?
8. What's white and goes up?
9. Who wore the first shell suit?
10. Why are tall people always the laziest?
11. Why can you never play jokes on snakes?
12. Why do birds fly south in winter?
aThey lie longest in bed.
bAntibiotics.
cHumpty Dumpty.
dA ladder in her stocking.
eYou can never pull their legs
fYour age.
gLook! No hands!
hDam.
iI'll meet you at the corner.
jIt's too far to walk.
kYou!
lA confused snowflake.

Exercise 6 - More elf jokes

Note these other small creatures sometimes found in stories:
  • goblin - a small ugly creature that likes to trick people or cause trouble (OALD)
  • gnome - a creature like a small man with a pointed hat, who lives under the ground and guards gold and treasure (OALD)
1. What do Elves use to go from floor to floor?
2. What do they call a wild elf in Kansas?
3. What do you call Santa's little helpers?
4. What kind of bread do elves make sandwiches with?
5. Where do you find elves?
6. Which elf sings "Blue Christmas" and "Santa Claus Is Back in Town"?
7. Why did Santa tell off one of his elves?
8. Why did the elf put his bed into the fireplace?
9. Why do elves scratch themselves?
10. Why does Santa owe everything to the elves?
aElfis!
bBecause they're the only ones who know where its itchy!
cBecause he is an elf-made man!
dHe wanted to sleep like a log
eSubordinate clauses
fAn Elfevator
gBecause he was goblin his Christmas dinner!
hShortbread
iDepends where you left them!
jGnome on the range!

Related posts

Some links

Answers

4 comments:

Baiba Svenca said...

I love the post, as usual.

Wishing you merry/ happy/ joyous/ peaceful/ wonderful Christmas!

Warsaw Will said...

That's really nice of you, thanks. And of course a really happy Christmas and great New Year to you too, and to any of the other followers that may see this. And indeed to everyone.

jaspreet singh said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
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